Yesterday, as I stood at the stove preparing vegetables, a vivid memory resurfaced: an interaction with my ergonomics teacher during my university years.
Back in 2002, I was 19, bright-eyed, and full of energy, believing everyone at university shared my excitement to learn. But by the end of the year, as I sat for my final ergonomics exam, life threw in a curveball. I’d come down with chicken pox yet still studied hard to prove I could succeed, illness or not.
After the exam, my friend and I felt confident. However, when grades were posted, most of the class—including myself—had failed. Shocked, I sought feedback, only to discover a frustrating pattern: a single misanswered question caused many to fail, with no further explanation. I ended up retaking the test three times before passing.
This wasn’t about my abilities but the system’s shortcomings. I realized how often teachers wielded power to impose obedience, urging us to respect authority without question, even at the expense of our well-being. Though I made great friends and cherished moments, the stress took a toll on my health, leading to physical issues like gastritis—not because of my performance but due to the system’s toxicity.
So, why am I sharing this? This past month, I’ve been working to release old, trapped energies. Through yoga, I discovered something surprising: fear was stored in my hips—fear of failure, disappointing others, or “talking too much” by speaking my mind. I’d allowed others’ judgments to invade my body and mind, impacting my confidence and my physical well-being.
But I forgive myself and them. I understand now that many authority figures had an education rooted in a rigid, authoritarian mindset, and they simply mirrored what they knew. These experiences show how interactions with controlling individuals can shape our behavior, closing our posture, tightening our muscles, and impacting our digestive system, as if our bodies are always bracing for the worst.
The purpose of this post isn’t to dwell on the past but to share how I’m transforming it into something positive. I’m learning to be more present by observing my thoughts and body language. For instance, when walking, I ask myself: am I rushing? Am I enjoying the moment? Focus is my tool to stay present.
If you’ve dealt with abusive people, remember that you’re good as you are, and you’re loved. You can choose to move on. Nothing you do will ever satisfy people who demand validation through control. Set yourself free, and choose to thrive.
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